Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Keep Your Dog on a Leach

Do you have worry and regret at the end of the day? Did you follow signs, heed messages, accept feedback and notice what was going on? Did you have your dog on a leach? Did you deposit the little plastic bag containing dog turds in a garbage bin, or did you drop it on the sidewalk or push it down a sewer vent?

Instead of writing a little moralistic homily, here's a nonsensical story, which took place when Lohbado worked in an Ooo community in the Cha Region of the Poh Valley, hidden away in the Sahara Desert, for the Department of Regulation, with a mandate of bringing about standardization. This is a happy adventure, fantasy story.

One Sunday morning, Lohbado decided to hike up an arid rock hill. A hike to the top and back would require about five hours. Lohbado packed a can of sardines, a baguette and a plastic bottle of water and set off to the rock hill.

Everything went fine. Lohbado conserved water. He didn't pause to take a drink for two hours, until he reached the summit and sat down in the shade of a rock. His throat was parched. Lohbado enjoyed pushing his body to the limit of dehydration, to the threshold of toxic shock. In such a state, Lohbado sometimes communicated with spirits. There are many time-honored methods of shocking the body into willingness so the mind becomes porous and open to cosmic suggestion. Reaching a dangerous level of dehydration was not something Lohbado, or anyone would recommend. It was part of the sickness of his personality to do such things.

Lohbado reached for the water jug, to hydrate his body. To his horror, he discovered the jug was empty. Water had leaked out through a tiny hole in the bottom of the bottle during the two-hour hike up Rock Hill. At that moment, Lohbado knew he could die. It would take another two and a half to three hours to return to his Ooo dwelling under the glass dome nestled among sand dunes. Lohbado leaned back against the rock and gazed into the sky.

Lohbado cried:  Oogah, Oogah, help me!

Lohbado's tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He floated in and out of consciousness. The horizon began to turn. He experienced a floating, dizzy sensation, while gazing into the deep blue of the sky. Suddenly he noticed a bead of white light, gradually becoming larger. Soon he saw two large white birds, with sparkling, multi-colored wing tips. His eyes fastened on the path of the birds, circling through the ocean of blue. The birds were carrying something.

A water jug! Those birds had been sent, in reply to his prayer, with life-saving water. Tears flowed down Lohbado's dry cheeks as he accepted clear water from the birds. They perched on a nearby rock to make sure he was OK and then took off. Lohbado watched them spiraling upwards into the sky and then disappear. The miraculous thing about the bottle: no matter how much he drank, the bottle was always full.

Lohbado sang a few songs to Oogah and Oorsis, walked around the rock three times and then carefully placed the bottle in his pack. As he turned to leave, a man dressed in black jeans and a black shirt appeared from behind a rock. The man approached Lohbado and demanded that Lohbado give him the miraculous bottle of healing water. Lohbado said: no way.

The man in black rose into the sky, like in a popular fantasy movie and made threatening gestures. Lohbado heard orchestral fanfare processed through synthesizers and computers. He rose twenty feet into the air and took a flying leap at the man in black. The impact of their collision was so strong, the rock beneath them shattered like glass, making a loud, exploding sound. A lot of whooshing, bashing and crashing occurred against the dramatic music, until Lohbado successfully beat the bad guy. The man groaned, as he turned into a snake and scurried into darkness under a rock.

Lohbado continued down to the Ooo community under the glass dome in the Cha region of the Poh Valley. People gathered in the village square, under the air-conditioned dome, to hear of Lohbado's fantastic adventure. They were happy that he succeeded in overcoming the Desert Snake Spirit of Rock Hill.

Lohbado and people of the Ooo community chanted praises to Oogah and Oorsis,  anthropomorphic representatives of God and co-creators of the universe. They passed around the bottle of healing water. One sip was enough to hydrate the body and to produce blissful, orgasmic streaming. Healing qualities of the water ensured that disease never again happened to people living under the Ooo dome. Virulent viruses vanished. People of the Ooo dome lived happily ever after.

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