Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Medicine: walk slowly to the cafe, past a row of tall trees, past delivery trucks and people going to work, into the cafe, noisy with jazz radio, a friendly greeting from the man behind the counter. I would like to be cheerful like him.

Chase away the blues with a few cups of coffee. Slow down, look at the mind; gaze at the beauty of nature in the city, foliage and flowers. Don't dwell on the past. Be here now. Good times come and go. Don't cling to the highs. Most of life is spent cruising the highway through plains of unspectacular scenery.

The road of life, nobody knows where it leads, although there are as many theories as there are languages. None of them cross the wall of mystery, although some people insist they have the answer. The answers are full of holes. This is not to say life has no meaning. It would be foolish to make dogmatic statements about existence one way or the other. How could one talk about something that can't be talked about, other than to describe the situation and to point out the limits of reason and understanding?

Friday, August 7, 2009

Dance of Dream

Did you sleep all night and forget everything? Yeah, I forgot everything. I lay in bed all night, eyes closed and remember nothing. I woke up, pounding headache. Take pain killers. Pull out a scribbler. Draw circles to ease the pain. I feel a power coming out of the ground.

Later we went swimming, first swim of the season. Cool water, beautiful wooded hills, floating. I watched a boat cruise to shore. A retired couple put the boat on the boat carrier, pulled it out of the water, a radio playing talk radio. I didn't feel like sitting on damp ground in the shade. A bunch of us left and went to the village store. Malina had an ice-cream. I bought a six pack.

We stopped to look at the coke colored river. Foamy water surged through a dam. We're on vacation, get away from daily worry, relief from the way of the world. Forget negativity for a while. Hills turn soft green. Flowers sparkle like jewels in the evening sun. A brief moment of happiness; take a photo of the smile before it fades.

Later, insomnia happened, at 3 AM. Lie in bed, head spinning, thoughts racing, wanting to jump up and start projects or tackle problems right away. But you can't, because it's the middle of the night. I got out of bed, thoughts pouring out like a waterfalls. I try not to fool myself with candy. It's better to face the pain. Maybe if it gets too intense, it could be crushing and destructive. If it goes too far, a person needs help. Help yourself. It's cheaper.

Go outside in the moonlight, a dark cloud hanging near the moon, cool air, smell of skunk and animal hormone. Go inside and feel strange sensations in the gut. Squeeze and twist, ooze and push sensation in the abdomen, bodily function, everybody does it.

Later I started talking to a woman who said I could write a book about the north. I started telling her a story. She found it intense and walked away, fleeing as if I'm some kind of psycho. After that, I went joyriding down a windy road along a river. Stop along the way to take a few pictures.